today i am staying at home just to listen to music. ive been listening to richard hell and the voidoids song "im your man" its great. i wish i could listen to it in my car. and drive up the coast.

i am so glad to be done with school. one step closer to exploring the world. ive been waiting 23 years.

home alone and cant sleep. i really should since it has been a long weekend of driving and trying to fit in a large number of social events into three days.

i came pretty close to finding out what its like to shit your pants. horrible. i never want to feel that way again. fuck iced coffee. fuck ciggarettes. and fuck the traffic on the 405. good thing i have tight asshole muscles. yeah, its true. if it wasnt id stll be outside washing my seats clean.

im going to try and force myself to sleep. eventually i will force myself to update this journral

one more thing

becky and chris were in la picking up a work computer. met up with them at chris' uncles house in echo park. this house was amazing! the most perfect, serene, and warm house i have been to in la. clearly they have a lot of money, because this house is baller.

we ate dinner in the backyard which has a beutiful view of the downtown la skyline. then we went down into his uncle erics studio (which is an entire house converted into a studio) and i watched as becky and chris finished making their bowls. oh yeah, his uncle is an artist in the truest form. he is a sculpter, makes hand made tiles, photographer, dress maker, creative genious. the atmosphere was so lovely. sitting at the table with his partner and their daughter. i felt so happy for that little girl, she has two dads who love her so much. it always makes me happy to see that.

i hope i can play with all his awesome art supplies (can i call them supplies? its his livelyhood, perhaps its a bit more) sometime soon. afterwards we went back to the house and becky, chris, justin and i sat around the table doodling and laughing. having too much fun because our neighbor complained. i love those two.

i totally slept in and missed class. fuck. oh well. last night was perfect. i wish justin couldve been there, but i know one day soon we will have that together. yup, one day real soon.

why do people eat taco bell when they are sober? seriously, i see people sitting out in the hot sun eating taco bell and it makes me ill.

sitting in class. so boring. so annoying. my teacher wants us to talk about world events and that just opens up a can of close-minded worms. "We are in college, we are smart" I hate this shit. What does this have to do with the class?

Here is an interesting article:http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Story?id=3088298&page=2

"There was an article in the LA times, I didnt read the article, just the headlines. I dont read the newspaper. Its true"

I hate this class and these people.

you know what i love?

when your hanging out with a group of people listening to riot grrl music and believing for a split second that your 14 again in your bedroom playing shitty mix tapes or on the bus heading to a show to see one of your idols.

i am so lazy! i love it. its summer. i just wish i had more friends in la to share it with.

hack

short update. this weekend was pretty fun. sara and ray came down for the weekend so that meant going out and drinking. totally fun but i got nothing done. so im pretty out of it. three hours of sleep! one down and three to go!

i just want to be on a rooftop drinking beers. three more weeks!

clam strips

when i stayed with tommy we walked by white castle everyday and everyday i saw an add for their 99cent clam strips. clam strips for 99cents? sounds amazing/disgusting.

i am so over school. hah, that sounds snotty. no really, i am. group projects are hell and i never want to do one ever again. unless i get paid.

next thursday i am done with college for good. yes, i have one session of summer school, but after that i am done. how exciting! i love school, and i will be going back very soon, but it will be so nice to do something else.

dude

i totally forgot how much of a fox Joaquin Phoenix is!

fuck yes

From Long Beach, CA (LGB) to New York, NY (JFK)

Tuesday, 03 Jul 07
Flight 255 Depart Long Beach, CA (LGB) at 9:40 PM and arrive in Washington, DC/Dulles (IAD) at 5:24 AM (next day)

Wednesday, 04 Jul 07
Flight 1300 Depart Washington, DC/Dulles (IAD) at 6:00 AM and arrive in New York, NY (JFK) at 7:17 AM

From New York, NY (JFK) to Long Beach, CA (LGB)

Sunday, 08 Jul 07
Flight 219 Depart New York, NY (JFK) at 5:15 PM and arrive in Long Beach, CA (LGB) at 8:33 PM


why am i still awake? today has been the longest day ever. clothes are done drying, reading is done and i am off to la la land.

digital

new york keeps calling me. i swear it does. since i can remember all i have ever wanted to do was move to new york. fuck man, why does this shit have to be hard. it shouldnt be. it wont be. i will go.

twerk

friday:came into sd around 1pm. went to beckys house with a 12 pack. sat on the porch and drank beers. had mexican food delivered. went to dads. took shower. took cab to whistle stop. hung out with vicki, serri and marco. drove around and smoked a joint. went to livewire. amy and ramon were there. becky and chris showed up. went to turf club. ran into priscila, eddie, and juan. hung out and had more drinks. ran into andy. lifted blue avalanche. went to beckys for bonfire till 4.

saturday:went to lunch with mom, marie and max. i paid. it was a lot. came back to dads. got ready for shawnas graduation party. picked up marbrisa and ramon. saw sara, lisa, jessica, beau, shawna, brandon and loads more people i love. drank and ate. took lots of photos. i miss everyone being together and being silly. left. dropped marbrisa off at home. went to jeffs house. lame lame lame. came home.

sunday:rock and roll marathon wakes me up at six am. car has been towed. 330 dollars later and i am still hung over. ate pizza. watched bad tv. faith came over and we walked to yardhouse. two beers and a calamari appetizer. went and got candy. walked to morrissey at the embarcadero. line was long. crowd was insane. show was good but way too short. too short for 60 dollars. well, 30 since we sold two extra tickets for 60 bucks and split the difference. walked home with faith. went home. tried to sleep.

monday:drove up to la early this morning with nelson. nelson is an awesome guy with a lot of interesting things to say. the drive felt like a half an hour drive, not a two hour drive. sitting in history class. i just want to go home and snuggle.

sara, get a blog or something.

i am so lame

40 Secrets About Yourself
Be HONEST no matter what.

1. What is your natural hair color?
brown. i havent dyed my hair in a long time.

2. Where was your default pic taken?
i dont have one?

3. What's your middle name?
Marisa

4. Your current relationship status?
married with 4 kids

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
justin gets upset when i saw we are dating. we are past that. so i guess that means he isnt my crush anymore.

6. What is your current mood?
restless...kinda

7. What color underwear are you wearing?
they look like lacey black shorts

8. What makes you happy?
a joint

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?
no, nothing.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
manatee, everyday

12. Ever had a near death experience?
car accident?

13. Something you do a lot?
breathe, blink, pee and shit, and talk. yep, always talking

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
none

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
someone almost as lame as myself

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
my aunt in mexico, that bitch

17. When was the last time you cried?
today, everyday i get emotional

18. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
just radio city music hall

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
to live forever and with one sigle touch let everyone i love live forever too

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
first the face, hair then outfit height build

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
iced coffee

22. What's your biggest secret?
i dont think i have one

23. Favorite colors?
red

24. When was the last time you lied?
how would you know i wasnt lying?

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
no

27. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
not a thing. something smells funny.

28. Do you speak any other language?
espanol

29. What's your favorite smell?
things like my grandma when i cuddle up against her, my moms sweaters, my dads cologne, justins side of the bed...shit like that

30. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
dynamic

31. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
this morning from my boyfriend

32. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
how i wish it would rain

33. What are you thinking about right now?
weed

34. What should you be doing?
homework

35. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
the final on wednesday

36. How often do you pray?
...never.

37. Do you like working in the yard?
we dont have one

38. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
my own

39. Do you act differently around your crush?
i suppose

40. Name one song that reminds you of an ex?
rum to whiskey by the murder city devils

one more thing

rock on, big girl. love beth ditto.

and



fafi, the amazing french graffiti artist has teamed up with le sport sac to create the above bag. how much do i want it? so much! but, when i calculated price+shipping+tax i thought again. ahhh!

hello muda...hello fodda

hello!

yesterday after a hellish morning of school/work i drove over to my grandparents house to have dinner. i sat in the living room and updated my grandparents on my life, the weekend, anything really. they told me stories that i could never get tired of hearing. stories about new york, old jewish customs, family etc.

we then had a dinner. left overs from when my grandma hosted a big dinner party for the family. chicken, corn, salad, and carrot souffle. by the way, carrot souffle is the best thing in the entire world. it was so delicious. and of course i ate my corn on the cob with the little corn dish/holders my grandma has had since i was tiny.

after dinner my grandma and i watched housee hunters (a tradition for the two of us) and then we watched Tevye the Milkman. Its an old yiddish movie I found at Vidiots and I thought my grandparents would enjoy it. It was actually pretty good and most of the enjoyment came from seeing how much my grandma enjoyed/identified with it.

My great-grandparents immigrated to NYC from Russia in 1926. My great-grandfather came first illegally through Canada. He worked as a dress maker until he could afford to bring my great-grandmother, grandmother, and three great uncles(who I never met). When my grandma came to the US it was in the steerage part of the ship. I guess my great-grandfather had saved enough to buy them all first class tickets, but bc they were coming illegally, the people who brought them over stole from them and they ended up in steerage. I could not imagine.

Anyway, my great-grandparents were orthodox jews who spoke yiddish and came from the old country. I never completly realized how important those ideals, which seem so antiquated, mean to my grandma. The story is about Tevye, a milkman, whose youngest daughter marries a gentile man. The family is destroyed by it and considers her dead. Take away all the melodramatic stuff and I began to understand why it was so important back then for Jews in Russia to stick with Jews. Towards the end of the film Tevye is asked to leave the countryside he has called home all his life, because he is jewish. This is set before WW2 and even before Hitler took over, so not only do you see how much people hated jews, but how they really are the wondering people. I dont know where this is going...but i understand why religion was so important and keeping their idenity. I realize how a sense of place is crucial to people. I consider san diego my sense of place, my moms house, my dads, my grandparents etc. To not have that would be odd, and what do you hold onto? Thats all these people had and I dont understand it as well as my grandmother does because she came from a time when her family was forced to leave because of who they were.

i probably make no sense. im not a zionist or anything, this isnt some pro-israel pro-judism or what have you kinda rant. for my great-grandparents, grandparents and those before them judism and the jewish community was a sense of belonging and place. they were the wondering people and they needed some foundation. Okay, no more im just ranting about this. but thats what the blog is for.

the night was great. i love my grandmother so much. she has always been such an amazing woman, such strength and love. i cant imagine life without her. id believe in heaven just to know i wont be without her forever.

Oh man!

Disneyland was amazing. We had so so so much fun. Had our romantic anniversary dinner at the restaurant thats at the beginning of the priates of the caribbean ride. It was so expensive and so not that good. I think the best part was laughing about how silly the entire thing was with Justin.

We rode all the rides, I almost shit myself on Space Mountain. I was laughing and screaming so much! I will post photos later.

The rest of the weekend was just so nice. We had Korean BBQ and went shopping on Saturday. So soo sooo much fun. If you havent done Korean BBQ than you really should! Later on that evening I went out with Lisa and Guilliana. Hit up some gay bars in west hollywood. danced and drank fancy cocktails. It was awesome. A good ladies night.

As fun as the weekend was, I have neglected the homework I needed to do. How does this happen? I am so tired and nervous. Nobody to blame but myself. I need to kick this procrastination bug!

Okay, I am going to get coffee and do homework. Blargh.

330

$330 for a trip to the er? jesus, how do people afford health care? Justin and I are moving to france where that shit is for free. bless having a euro boyfriend.

disneyland! in 20 minutes. im in class right now, justin is meeting me by the flag pole and then we are on our way.

i went to the er last night because i was feeling so bad. i thought i had every heart condition in the world. turns out im fine but i might have a chest infection or something. so the doctor gave me some medicine. like cough syrup with codine. i dont know if i actually want the perscription. blah.

feminist theory makes me want to kill kill kill. nah, i like it. im just too excited for DINNEYLAND!!!!

"we are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

booo

this class is so boring.

boooo